Mail Order Brides

So that heading ought to bring in the real quality search response. But what I'd intended was much less titillating...

1) If you get your bike mail order, you are missing the big picture. Another way of putting that would be: you suck. Full stop. I'm not innerested in your whiny pricepoint arguments, either. If money is such a concern, you can talk to your Local Bike Shop and they'll be able to recommend alternatives. They are your Local. If you don't understand the import there, you probably go drinkin' at Chilis or TGIF. How's that Olive Garden real Italian treating you? Fecking Walmart import everything including our food shortsighted knownothing.

You get a discount mailorder. That's all. Your local can fit you, give you qualified service quickly, recommend products that work under the conditions in your area, give ride advice, route ideas, warranty, and increase your knowledge and goodtimes with re. to bikes.

If your local shop is staffed and owned by "jerks", try another. If that one is staffed by "jerks", you might consider the common denominator.


This all comes from encountering yet another jackass on a ____________ bike from mail order company _____________. They're interchangeable. The companies, the bikes, and the jackasses. I've heard enough ignorant remarks about my bike or kit from these trendbiting followers. Pretty much doesn't matter what bike or kit I am using, as they're all wool and stained or have holes, or are covered in dirt and have "weird" parts, or the tires are the wrong psi, or they read _____________in __________ magazine so I should try that...
(this image came up whiles searching for planet of the apes. weird.)

Mostly, I just smile and nod. It's typically not meant to be insulting (though sometimes it is, but that's more amusing than anything else), it's just boring and tedious. I really don't want to have a discussion about it, as they expect justification and typically can't see the value in something so not shiny/new/light/"pro".

2) So up comes yahoo-guy on a bright red Scattante, with a Weyless carbon fork wearing full plastic team kit. "Who's riding that bike?" at the parking lot before doing Fremont today. "Your mom." I told him. Unfortunately, everyone in the group was in better shape than I, and I was at the receiving end of an ass handing. Again. That doesn't bother me; if only cuz it happens regularly these days. It bothers me that, 5,000 feet of gain later, at the end, it's "Good job. On that bike that's impressive." or "Wow, I can't believe you rode that on that bike." I just said "It's not the bike.", and walked off. Gah.

For the record, the particular bike in question is a full custom (steel) road bike from Black Cat Bicycles equipped with 2006 Dura Ace/King (headset & hubs) etc., a Rick Hunter fork, and an ugly mustard powdercoat. But because I opted (consciously, while awake and in full possession of my senses) for cantilevers (Paul Comp.) and 35mm tires, it's "that bike". WTF? Ignorance.

Also for the record, I recognize the pettiness of these concerns in the larger arena that is real life. However, this is all about biking...you knew that when you showed up, didn't you?
see the apes pretend they're men with their shiny tech suits


This is really 2 rants on relates subjects. 1) mail order lameness and 2) using a bike as a tool to get a leg up (the tired, apelike chest thumping of who's bike is coolest), to be one up on someone he's (not even) just met. I relate the 2 because yesterday's jackass was on a mail order POS that he clearly thought was "blingety bling" while attempting to climb over me to a higher echelon of the Peloton of the Apes. And then wants to throw me a bone ("that's impressive- that you rode that bike.") so he can reinforce his "postion" as alpha while patting himself on the back for being so cool to the poor sap on that bike. C____ B_______ said I should get stronger and show them it's not the bike. I should get stronger, cuz better fitness means harder/longer rides= more fun. I don't want to show them, I just want to ride my bike without that bullshi_. those fools don't lik to ride, they like to feel superior. There is a certain amount of politics involved in any group ride, and by politics I mean drama. It has been in the past, and can be in the future, a great experience riding with a group. I like riding with fast guys, because going fast is fun and it's a good way to get stronger. (My problem is that the local scene is not so conducive to my steezyle of moderately fast, moderately party...the fast guys here don't party, and the partiers on bikes are that because they've lost their license...) I gotta go ride in Santa Cruz more.

Finally for the record, I enjoyed the hell out of myself singing along with Kool & the Gang to "Celebration" as I used my weight to my advantage hauling ass down Fremont. Actually, all the riding was kick ass.
"Damn dirty apes."

P.S. Apologies and a tip of the cap to Velo Orange and , of course, Rivendell. Exceptional exceptions.