visit the Genuine

Or, you know, you could just move on in. It is Tour day France time on planet Earth, and that means the "fans" come out of the woodwork, from under their rocks, and in from the cold. Standing in the bike shop becomes even more the front row seat in the circus of weird obsessions.

I used to really get invested in the Tour, but now I don't even know who's riding. Radio controlled cyborg racing is not interesting to me. Regardless, for the next several weeks it will be a hot topic. People who don't ride will come in and yak it up about their favorite show, and want to get into detailed conversations regarding the merits of ever more complicated shiny bits that they want to consume...but not ride on.

I will sell anybody any number of whatever they want, it's their free choice. I will not, however, pretend to be enthused about...the collectibles. For example, a wood laminate road bike using electronic components that have to be connected to the internet for adjustment (NOT KIDDING). For the sake of what? bragging rights? Who's got the stupidest expensive bauble? I understand there is no inherent Right or Wrong in these toys with which we play. They are just stuff. Some of these toys are tools better suited to make Happiness than others, but I suppose even in that there are differences in kind. Do you enjoy tinkering with stuff that is so finicky/battery dependent/fragile, or do you want to be outside pedalling? You can be sure of which I'd rather do.

There are a lot of folks who just want to have a "nice" bike, as opposed go on a nice ride. People who poopoo the idea of climbing up that one hill because it would be the long commute (when it might add 20 minutes max, if you were sloooooow, but would add 20 times the fun if you were to consider it against the fucking bike path strewn with dogs on leashes, children on leashes, and aerobic joggers on headphones, etc). People who want to debate the merits of tire X vs tyre Y, when they aren't going to ride either of them, just put them on the bike on their wall. People who want yet another bike they won't ride. Collectors, having things. Yuck and gross.

The Tour brings all of these enthusiastic clowns into the tent.



Le sigh. Cycling is not a show on TV (or some hack website) and it is not something you have, it is something you do. Get out and do it. If you must be a collector, collect as many kick ass moments as you can. Collect skids, collect perfectly weighted turns, collect suffering.

a notorious creampuff

Here are some things:

 




Your "religion" is actually a Cargo Cult. Stings, don't it. If it makes you feel any better, you can send me your $15 and I'll tell you what to think and believe, take some of the pressure off. Same diff, only I will be a benevolent despot. I promise.

So...a big (BIG!) upcoming bikecamping expedition has me examining all of my gear selection. What you know about this?

Aw yeah. That fairing sock? in a flesh tone? with a integrated 6pack cooler? and some short shorts? You know, to get the mostest out of the aero-legs. It could be the next big thing.

Could be. Now, I'll hand you a list: Aptos Creek fireroad, Buzzard Lagoon, Highland Way, Summit Rd, Morill Rd, Wright's Station Rd, some stuff I can't categorize, Aldercroft Heights Rd, Old Santa Cruz Highway, Mtn Charlie Rd (in with a whisper), Glenwood Dr, Granite Creek Rd, Branciforte Dr, Mountain View Rd, Laurel Glen Rd, Soquel San Jose Rd, Olive Springs Rd, Aptos Creek fireroad.

Cross bikes. I sit here with recovery legs. It got so tough up Olive Springs with the cramping. I'd shift around on my saddle, trying to maneuver my pelvis into different alignments so as to spread the over-work over a wider range, which sort-of worked; the cramps would lessen, and then shift themselves over to a different group of muscles. No lie, I could walk my cramps around. Ridiculous. It got to the point where I was only actively engaging muscles to kick away from myself as everything else musclewise was roached. Then I had to get off and walk up the darkening fireroad. Horrible and glorious. I blame myself, since it is revealed that my hot button is being called "soft". Seriously, it's like taunting a caged animal




my response is Pavlovian. I first declined to add the heinously steep Olive Springs to the end of the ride, was accused of "getting soft", and before I knew what had happened I'd agreed to the extra like a reflex bypassing my brain. Dumb.

I have some work to do to be ready for the stern mileage headed our way. And since I'm heading in a new fashion direction for this outing, I have some outfits to plan. If you see any discount gold rope chains, let me know. I'm a get my shit together, boy.

the latest in a series of lies

Everything contained in these pages is liable to be a work of fiction. Swing out.

Having been granted a special purpose, I woke up and made use of it. Seeing that in print, I realize it could be better worded. No matter. In keeping with the spirit of the episode, we continue our forward momentum. What I meant: I rode the youngest to school, parting ways at 8:20 AM, and then continued out into the morning, bright and temperate. Alight with the flame of exploration; a small twig fire that I've nursed along for several years(!) now. Perhaps we have spoken of the potential adventure. I have been breaking off small bits in my mind to use as kindling this whole time. Keeping that guttering flicker alight, smoking the while with what ifs, occasionally flaring with hard knots of it must bes, yet banked with cover of doubts and liabilities.

This particular morning, I was really feeling hot. I have been laying down the wood in this direction for some weeks now, and the basic structure was all in place waiting for that spark to set it alight. My hesitancy has been based on the certainty that, once lit up, there is no telling what might follow. Fire has ever been servant and master that way. A blaze can burn away with Terrible Consequences or a Glorious Light, and while they are equally entertaining neither is certain. Which is to say, I've been hesitant to commit. If you require more in this vein, I nod to Phil Ligget- that master of double speak, Lies, and bicycle related bullshit- and pull from my Suitcase of Courage the Matchbook of Hard Effort in which are limited and precious contents. I would use them to grope my way along the floor of a very deep and dark Pain Cave.

In my mind I had plans. These were the little things of cautious optimism married to realistic consideration of unknowns. They were to be discarded one by one, as my Good Feeling and my bicycle carried me beyond their small reaches. I was carried away. I was caught in the updraft from all these informed (but let's be honest- lucky) choices and happy circumstances. Gates and possible turn arounds were met and dispatched. I had thought I would approach this in series; bite off morsels, turn for home and worry them into a knowledge of the route as a whole. The map can only show so much. To this end, I packed light- as in not at all. I keep a bag on that bike, and it has the basics: tools, patch kit, spare tube, a couple-3 ginger candies and a Honey Stinger gel (those are good and clean, even if Lance is wrapped up in the ownership). I figured that would be enough to get me through my planned small, exploratory push. And it was. Enough.

So much climbing. So much descending, knowing there was to be that much climbing and more. High highs, surprising lows. There is still plenty more to be had. With 10 hours of out and back(!) I had still not reached what I have been assuming might be the end of that bit (though really, literally, the beginning of another) and there were multiple possible offshoots along the way. All I can say here is that I spent 10 hours on the bike, with never more than a 15 minute stop, and came home cooked.

This requires further consideration. Thank you for your time.

P.S. this would make a fantastic full moon adventure.

HORROR! SHAME! DESPAIR!

Well, maybe for some. I guess my higher-ups shoulda listened to my idears when they had the chance...cuz now it looks like someone else took that ball and ran with it. I will be setting up a table and settling in for some wheeling and dealing for sure. I got a lot of bicycle treasures with which I can part. And I know some of y'all have some stuff I don't yet know I must have. Who's hoarding the C-Record Delta brakes????

Oh. There's a new bike shop in town.











And, speaking of flyers and folks who should listen, FORA are a bunch of assholes:

Yeah, yeah. If you want a clearer view go to their hive and poke around. My point is that this is bullshit and if they think they can catch someone (not me) who is HOTTT like me (but is not me) let em try. Those trails have been cleared and used for as long as I've been paying attention here (~10 years) and closing them smacks of money grubbing, ass grabbing, land grabbery, and potential skull duggery. Aside from the several year stint when they were overlain with detritus from the fucking bulldozing, Happy Trails have been just that. Happy. This is an attempt to force unHappiness on the people (the people the people people the people, the people people from everywhere watching the show) and it is not Right. Fuck tha po-lice.




UNITY!




And, plus while I'm on the rant tip, I rode your little PIPELINE- MOUNTAIN BIKERS ONLY  trail over there in Toro Park. Much as it pains me to talk shit about a trail on which clearly were labored many hours: it sucked.

Y'all need to learn how to flow. Full stop.

Drive?!?! over (20 minutes minimum) there and spend 45 minutes climbing (actually quite pleasant) only to dump all that effort on riding the brakes down some poorly routed fall line drainage broken with occasional off-camber/washed-out obstacles? Hell no.

all the time playing the same licks

Every time I come across a new(to me) trail is a Good Time. We've been living here for 11 years now, and just last week I rode some new(to me) singletrack that will make your head spin while you see purple spots. My favorite option is singletrack. Most of the time I ride my usual routes, occasionally mixing up the direction or shuffling trail order. I ride along and ignore that one faint side-trail because I checked it out a few years ago and, even though I can't remember why now, it doesn't pay off. It goes somewhere wrong or it's too oaky/poorly routed/rooty/whatever to warrant riding. Sometimes I find a good connector on the fringes that adds a funner or quicker or safer option. Last fall I began systematically poking around the edges of that neighborhood at the bottom of the hill, trying to find more and dirtier ways to get to and from work. It paid off, and well, a couple months ago when I found that magic route that gets me to and from trails in 5 minutes. That type of thing.

Point being, there are new trails to be found even after all this time. I especially love that. It helps that I am more willing than some to ride places that are closed to some. We do what we must.

So. I'm gonna be test riding some things in the next couple of days that I really hope work out. The kind of trails we only talk about in person.


Friday night was some trail riding switching up usual routes and shuffling orders. It worked out great. With my crappy handlebar light and my Petzl (shoulder crash wrecked my light) that kept slipping off my helmet and hitting me in the neck or face it felt like we were going dangerously fast, when really we were just going dangerously. When we rolled out on Carmel Valley Road at 12:46AM the sheriffs were there to greet us. We watched 2 patrol cars roll past as we exited our fireroad, our lights off for safety. After they had gone, we fired up our red blinkies and began riding back to home. A different sheriff's deputy rolled up behind us and pulled us over. Because our headlights weren't on was the probable cause."We leave them off to save the batteries and turn them on when a car comes." And our blinkies weren't fixed to the bike (we'd clipped them to our pockets). "You always ride your bike at this time of night?" "Sometimes." She ran our IDs as another deputy joined the party. The Sirs and Ma'ams crept into my speech as stealthily as 2 mountain bikers sliding out from a questionable trail. By the time they'd stopped us, on the pavement, everything was legit except for the mussette full of empty beer cans hanging across my back. I pretended solid citizenship while keeping my back away and the cans from rattling. No warrants/etc we were advised to ride on the opposite side of the road so we could see the cars coming and sent on our way. I scoffed at that. "You wouldn't stop us for that?" "It's what I would do."

Don't take ride advice from the cops. We crossed the street so's we could take that other section of sneaky connector singletrack. Not much by itself, but all those pieces add up to fun.

the best use of black turtle necks and suction cups ever devised

People always ask me: Dick. Why are your rides all about the moonlight? And I tell them it's real fun and stuff.

Don't blow it. No one in Monterey rides but me. Grumble grumble. Etc.

1%

'm all right now

Never thought I'd make it, but I always do somehow.'m all right now.




...skip to :45.

Today is 4 weeks out from getting straight broke off. I feel better by the day. I been rolling my right IT band (ow! tender) and opening my chest. I cannot complain.

You believe how nice it was today?!? Man.

A little roundy round the rollier section of Ord on some fat tyres was the recipe for win. That bike is getting clownier by the day. I replaced the stock saddle with a Brooks Flyer. The extra springiness may or may not be a keeper- I will switch back and forth between a standard B17 and the Flyer and see. Also, I swapped the stem from 120mm to a 100mm, and changed the bars from the Salsa 17* flat to the Surly Open Bar. The reach is both shortened and lengthened (given the bendy nature) and I have 2 more hand positions, give or take infinity. I feel this will pay off big time when bikecamping or going for longer rides. I have aspirations to both in the future; may even combine them.

In further exploring the old Friday night SS loop environs (and happily, it is almost all open again! we need to bed some sections in more/again, so let's all ride there) I ran into B___ B_____ and we had an inneresting chat about trail right of way. He ran into some other cyclist recently while descending 50 at speed; which is how one descends 50. The other guy flipped out, fell off his bike and down slope. While B___ was leaning down, hand out to help him up, the guy began mouthing off about riding in control and claimed he had the right of way. B___, to hear him tell it, handled it extremely calmly/well. I think I would have told that dude to eat a dick and ridden away at that point. I agree that, all things being equal, the climber is accorded the trail. I further agree that, this being Real Life, it doesn't matter how "right" you are if you're in a bad situation. Getting lippy about someone else ripping legal singletrack downhill while you are laboring around a blind corner in the middle of the trail is bullllllshit.

B___ takes it so far as to climb the road around both 49 and 50, which, to my mind, is crazy talk. But that's what he does, just to avoid the possible crash since both of those are honestly 90% ridden in the downhill direction. I myself climb them both on occasion- though much more 49 since it actually gets you someplace from which it is fun to keep riding. And when I'm climbing these trails, I keep my ears open (no headphones or earbuds or whatever they're called when you are from) and I try to look around/through corners where I can. Because I'm responsible for my well-being on the trail; not the guy ripping down a sweet section of hero dirt.

It's prolly all 6s in here, and I do feel like I'm preaching to the choir, but. Look out for yourself and your riding buddies. Call out around a blind corner if it's a heavily used trail. (B___ has now collided with people who were coming up 49, 50, and Blair Witch). Be aware of what's coming. Call out the # of riders in your party who are still behind you when passing someone in order to keep everbody safe- which, if we're being preachy, it amazes me how few people do you this courtesy. If you yield, try to do it by leaning away from the singletrack while keeping your wheels on the edge of the trail. This keeps singletrack single. Don't put that in your mouth. Etc.

If hassles become legal matters, we will face all kinds of regulations. Trails designated directionally, etc. That would suck. Looking at the proposed diminishment of Fort Ord already, it is increasingly clear we all need to play nice.


Anyhow. Bike ride on a sunny day? Yes, please.

how do you want to handle this?

Put on your headphones, and turn it up:



I feel for our brethren and sistren in the colder areas, but early winter on the Wiziiziest (wiz-eye-iz-eye-est) Coast is mmmmmmmild.
So.
Well.
Suck It, I guess.

After all this yakking about the familiar loops and the boredom, and the possibilities along other vectors, and the other...


Hypothetically speaking, would you ride it?

Would you ride it?

Speaking hypothetically.







Where the bobcats chillax, and from which there may or may not be fantastical possibilities for further backcountry pussyfooting.









Would you ride it?