It came out recently that some among us need a new bike. On the sly. I have gathered pointers from various professionals and present them here purely for entertainment. Let it be known that I firmly recommend notifying your supervisor before purchasing any new bike. I also recognize that there are slyer minds than those I've contacted via my church-given psychicbicyclempathy, and they should feel free to weigh in by commenting. Helpful suggestions only, folks, because ___________ needs a new bike.So. I am immediately reminded of the guy who came in to the shop I worked at in Moab and purchased a full XTR Moots YBB with the stipulation that his wife not know. He manged this by using a credit card she didn't know he had which billed to his office. He only supplied us with his work phone #, and made Damn Sure everyone knew not to ever mention his bike. Somewhere in the neighborhood of $5,500 worth of snuck fun. No, I do not know if he was ever caught.
I have tried several methods myself, with varying levels of effectiveness. With great success, I have performed the Bait and Switch. It is the foolproof method. This trick requires that you have a preexisting quiver of bikes, as you will be inserting the new frame or complete bike into your stock.
To be truly undetectable by whichever rube needs fleecing, the bikes must look very similar. Ideally, you will have several bikes of the same color. The best choice? Black. Eff all this "______ is the new black". Black is still feckin black. You can't get away with a black long travel hucking bike swapped for your black townie or cross bike, though. Be subtle. It also helps if you've established a history of swapping parts between bikes (really, with a quiver of bikes, who hasn't?) so it'll seem completely in character for a slightly different bike to show up under you. I know, this seems dangerously unsophisticated, but it's based on the fundamental truth: to other people, one bike is pretty much the same as another. Grasp this seemingly impossible idea, a can of black spray paint, and you hold freedom in your hands.
I have heard of some who tried keeping the new bike at a riding buddy's house until it's good and dirty and then slipping it in. So to speak. Seems chancy on several levels to me.I have also, with a markedly lesser degree of effectiveness, tried showing up with a bright pink custom singlespeed frame and saying "Look what I got". I don't recommend this method.
P.S. I hope everyone reads this quickly, I may need to remove this post to protect the innocents.
7 comments:
I did the "look what I got" with a laptop purchase recently......You are right, it doesn't work that well. I might ease into it with resurrecting an old mtb frame I have laying in the shed. I'll throw some money and some used parts at it and see how it turns out. A building block of sorts?
Your sweetie will always appreciate your taking the extra effort and easing into it. See how it turns out.
Definitely, starting small is the Way. Build your herd until one bike is indistinguishable from another in the thicket of bicycles...then, well, Bob's your uncle.
I know Softy has a sweet mixte frame gathering red dust outside his shed...
Paint it Black.
a smart cyclist chooses a partner of the same size and stature for in times like these when push comes to shove, he/she will always have "but Honey, it's a new bike for US"
Brilliantly played.
I do have that going for me..same size, same bike. I guess I could use some pink paint on the new project?
pink IS the new black after all. wait, i think that phrase has been banned. sorry Rev.
i meant BLACK is the new black, but real men can ride a pink bike.
spray that beotch pink and ride it into the sunset. viva la pink!
Dang. Sounds like the tarpling is gettin a pink tandem...break out the ant jerky.
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