Balloon man.

Wow. Fresh off the "Road", and on to "I am Legend." You know all about it, so I'll just say I preferred "Omegaman". More dark everybody-dies-type-stuff. However, My man Wil Smif could've just left NYC...I mean at least there were still plants and animals. Sure, the main zombie was a jerk, but that doesn't mean you've got to engage him- just walk away. I know, Mr. Smif is dedicated and I'm a hedonist. I mean, he's a scientist and I'm: Not Recommended.

I can sympathize with the Fresh Prince, though. Yesterday was the 2nd annual Josshole Employee ride. So I was surrounded by folks like zombies, with only my singlespeed to protect me. There was lots of big talk. People compared gloves, equipment the pros use, and...well, I don't really know what people talked about. I arrived at all the stops late, and could only hear the blood pounding in my ears. Still, I was slowly crushing their spirits with my relentless onslaught, I could see it in their sideways glances.

Circumnavigated Ft. Ord on sweet tacky hardpack. Having been thru one or two group rides before, the dynamics are familiar. Mechanicals in front of shop employees suck (" don't you work in a bike shop?", "you should get yourself a real mechanic", etc). Youth is wasted on the young ("well, all the pros do it"...yes, and they get paid to run that, and have a pro wrench tune/replace after every race/ride, dummy. Also, all you young dudes...bring enough food, water and warm clothes. I saw you shiver.). People tell you lies about the stomach virus they're getting over, grab you and kill your momentum at the base of climbs, cut you off, put rocks in your pocket when you stop...well, maybe we know some of the same folks then. Only thing to do is to stay safe, and always take the high road.

My new race strategy is complete. You know that branch coming South down #50? The one thick as yer arm, at face height, that suddenly appears as you come ripping around a bend leaning into it? Yes. It freaks me out every time. This season I will show up early with papier mache branches to place strategically along the course. The rest of my class will be thrown off their lines avoiding sure death, while I take the good line, knowing I'm safe. There was some discussion of a taxidermied mountain lion on a zip line across the trail, as well.

The title reflects how I felt upon finishing. Coined by Mysterious B___ S_____, "balloon man" is hollowed out and empty- a shell of himself. Nothing for it but a trip to the stairs.

Then it was off to an afternoon spent with Fernet Branca. Followed by a zombie movie...



Amazing addition: Hand pump espresso?!? K-Ron, that one's for you.