Amazing Detective Stories

Egad...

Woohoo! Got out this a.m. for some singlespeedage in Ft. Ord. If you say "singlespeedage" out loud, you know you're doin it right if you look like you're in pain. And the bike you see is fffffffun. Built by the inimitable Black Cat Bicycles right there in norcal, bro.



It's also real pretty.


Yes, that's what you think it is. And, plus look at the neat tensioning system. No more fussing with my disc brake caliper when installing the wheel. It's also real pretty.



Fork! Rick Hunter made that fork, and let's face it: it's also real pretty.


That's a 2.2 29er on a 25mm wide rim. It's not the biggest setup, but still, that's wide, Clyde. I like it around here.

So there was packed firm sandy goodness to be had. Still not fit, but it worked out ok on the "group" ride; 3 dwindled to 2... you won't hear any complaining here. Last time I rode with the Josshole crew, I knew it was bad when they stopped heckling and started encouraging me. "you can do it" turned into "Way to keep ridin, man". Like I was wearing the helmet cuz I'm their retarded ward...

New routine, baby. Training. I feel my form coming on for SSWC 2008. Attempted my race strategy today, but I was the only one who fell for it. Just to take the edge off, you know. Stopped at the stairs & took the last beer ( who took the 2nd to last?) so I have a raison to head back out and replenish the stock tomorrow.

Then there was a super hero costume party at which I was the Amazing Detective you read about. People flaked out; only 4 real costumes. N and her friend J went as "Pajama Girl"?!? which, I mean, it's better than going as "regular kid man" as D went but c'mon. Still, the few costumes were good: chicken (my favorite, I would live in a chicken suit if I could), Captain Underpants ( D laughs aloud when he reads those books), Batman ( with a fauxhawk, barrette and mom in a "Hot Robin" costume on which the R emblem was a truck mudflap lady...), and Super Y from the Superreaders (J loves that show: "with the power to vread" he says). And really, it is awesome that the birthday girl (M was Super Y) peed in her costume thus having to remain incognito for the rest of her birthday. If you're not in costume at a costume party (everyone else) then the only acceptable reason is that you had such a great time earlier at the party that you peed your pants and had to change. That's it. Otherwise, well, you suck. I'm sorry, but it's a costume party dammit! Show some school spirit.There it is.

Reminds me of the time...The kids' school has a "Fall Festival" ( not a Halloween Party) every October and last year I went as a zombie. It was a good look for me. Put on a somber grey db suit, with a tastefully draped dark grey tweed overcoat. I used Boba Fet's makeup and lightly powdered my face ( and hands, cuz I don't eff around), putting dark-yet-subtle purple circles under my eyes, and topping it off with a fake blood capsule in the mouth. Good times. So I chased the kids around the schoolyard, moving reaalll slooooooooooow. Keeping my arms at my sides under the overcoat until grabbing at them but never quite catching them. Any changes in direction or obstacles ( cracks in the pavement, low walls, playground equipment, etc) were confusing to me. Generally living it up. Like you do. I did this until they got sick of me. Not too long; just enough to really sweat and ruin/enhance my makeup. At which point I moved to the sidelines and watched my kids. Swaying gently. Random kids would come up and taunt me, and I'd respond with moans and halfhearted zombie grabs. It worked out great until one of the 5th grade teachers flipped out and kept her eye on me, telling/ shrieking at the kids to " leave him alone! That's not...uh...Fun!" I ignored her for a few more kid scrums, until she could not contain herself any longer and bustled over to tell me I had to stop scaring the children. So I said, in my zombie voice "I'm not scaring the kids unless they request it. There's a schoolyard worth of safety for them if they don't like me, and I'm not moving." She said I'd have to leave. Well, I continued to look at the ground and sway (like a zombie will when satiated with innocent children's living brains) while she harangued me about how there really shouldn't be any scary costumes at all, that they ("we") are trying to move away from that kind of nonsense...blahblablah. So finally, I look at her and say, in my zombie voice "I'm not leaving, I'm watching my kids." She didn't like this, and reiterated that I would have to leave. I gave up and spoke to her for real to say that unless she could point to written rules in the school charter saying that costumed parents were not allowed, she could whistle. No, it wasn't quite that smooth ( I was pissed) but that's the gist. She tells me she's Mrs. Soandso and a teacher, and I told her I was Mr. Thusandsuch, and a parent, and she could fetch the principal if she liked. She went away. Then some other parents who'd been sitting several feet away chimed in to say she was out of line, and they liked my style. Thanks a lot now. Pinks. Now I'm in dutch with the potential teacher of my daughter...

{This photo from the excellent site: SUCKA PANTS }

The school does not accept demand regarding student placement (and honestly, I can understand that) so we were concerned. Even if I hadn't left a sour taste in Mrs. Soandso's mouth- and I hope I did- we wouldn't want our child to be subject ( I don't say "taught" intentionally) to a psycho unable to see the humor in a zombie at 2pm... People. Children want zombies and ghost stories, and access to the potentially scary Real World. Yes, they need oversight but dang! don't take away the potential. They learn from being in stressful or scary scenarios with clear edges Uh...challenge, anyone? It worked out ok, because my wife is smarter and more politic than me. She wrote that N responds much better to male authority figures. Jackpot. N got Mr. M_____ this year, and he's a great guy. With a sense of humor.

He'd wear a costume. Maybe even pee in it... but that's pure conjecture.