Lift that barge...

So before Mysterious B___ S_____ scurried back to from whence he came, leaving nothing behind here in California but a lingering odor, we used to ride the bikes at night. A lot. We rode together at night so much, and so frequently under rotten (and completely self inflicted) conditions, that new vistas of dark possibilities opened up for us.

We became expert in riding with only one functioning light-the tete de la course taking the side to allow the beam room, and the lanterne rouge swinging wide the turns to better keep the trail in view for both. We rode for miles at speed with only Petzl head lamps to light the way forward. When you are lightless under a new moon, Redwood forests get so dark the only option is to look up at the gaps between the treetops and navigate by the stars. You might not know it, but you can ride fireroads by feel- the hump of the shoulder, the crackle of debris on the sides, the terror of the sudden drop. If you ride long enough without lights, there'll come a moment when you feel like the starlight is disconcertingly bright. As though you were under a searchlight. You'll look behind and above you wondering who or what is tracking you. Trails or roads... in the dark it's magic.

And, when riding at night sans lights you will come across far more animals. My people believe that your Animal Totem will be revealed to you in the course of Great Adventure. In my wanderings by bike, I've encountered all kinds of animals: coyotes, turkeys, skunks, owls, rabbits, crows,bobcats, hawks, deer, snakes, mountain lions, even bears. Now, it is a mistake to claim any old animal as your totem. If you co-opt a foreign Totem, you'll be living a confused life; your plans will come to naught, your relationships will fall apart, food won't taste right.

B___ and I met a lot of skunks. Way too many to be accounted for through simple local skunk demographics. So many skunks, that it was clear this was somebody's Totem. None of y'all will be shocked to learn that neither of us accepts this. Clearly, my Totem is the wily Owl, symbol of wisdom and famously creepy.B claims, falsely, that the Owl is his toem. He has also claimed the bobcat (about which he makes outrageous claims, saying there is a giant variant known as the "Mountain Bob"), the mountain lion, and most recently the bear. I am simply stating, for the record and here and now, he is a cad and a liar, and this is his totem:
Yes, that is correct, you heard right. Not just the totem Skunk, but the totem Chubby Skunk With It's Head Stuck In A Jar.

Now, you all know me and you know I'm fair and impartial. So, in the interest of living up to those standards, I will admit that this may be actually my totem animal:At least it's not a jack ass, I guess.


Oops. It was pointed out to me, that in fact this is my true spirit animal guide:

What is your Totem?