Next Full Moon

Sunday, May 3rd Full Flower Moon

23 March 2010

you're not carnival personnel!!



There are categories of bikes.
Within these categories are niches.
Within these niches are windowless dive bars peopled by shady lowlifes. It may happen that you need to lock your bike up here, and when it does happen you will count yourself fortunate to have prepared for this inevitability by building a bike to fit this particular seedy niche:
the bar bike.


The bar bike is your townie, stripped of all precious componentry. This is harder than it sounds. You think to yourself, "Whatevah!" (because that is how you talk ) "I have a huge booty bin of parts! I can whip something together in no time." But, before you know it, your beater has been turned out with that sweet high flange intricately cut-out Campy Record wheelset you have hanging up in the workroom. Or those undeniably comfortable yet slightly too narrow Ti 16*bend WTB handlebars. Or that rough around the edges and heavy as a boilermaker 3 sprung Brooks touring saddle, or that sweet 40spoke tandem front wheel... Etc.

Now you see.

Those are all parts you are not currently using, yes. But you would hate to lose them even so, and that is the complicating factor in this build. A true bar bike requires mechanical soundness (who can fix anything demanding more than a good kick when departing the 4th lube joint en route to the 5th?) and a modicum of comfort (seedy bars are not all gathered in one convenient neighborhood), yet also demands that the bike be subject to prolonged exposure in the most debauched of locales...yes, sometimes even overnight. Frankly, crashing is to be expected at some point, too.


There is the latest iteration of my bar bike. If you're out driving in your car and rekanize me, just roll up next to me and yell "FAGGOT!" or throw something...I'll know it's you.

11 comments:

Lord Hayden said...

Bust that out on Saturday night for a 2 days early moon ride? Cause I'm gone for 8 days after that.

Jonny Hamachi said...

Don't let your front wheel fall off.

Gunnar Berg said...

Nice job, both building and writing. May I cross post it?

blackcatbicycles said...

that shitty basket ain't gonna last a hot minute with the load-o-gay you carry around.

l'il hateful said...

Hey, that is one hot, girl bike (but not a hot girl bike, because hot girls won't go near it). I think the Hamms kickstand toughens it up most definitely.

YATE said...

I trust that bottle cage holds a 40.

Fxdwhl said...

now you just need some grocery bags full of crushed empties hanging from the bars to complete the look. some rusty chromed fenders wouldn't hurt either. excellent start though!

reverend dick said...

Fxdwhl, it's like you have a crystal ball.

Everyone else- yes. I mistakenly took this thing up to Santa Cruz for a ride I thought would go one way, but went another and WOW did I have my ass handed to me.

houvenagle said...

well played sir...

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for you to pass out in a bush and for me to get my new Brooks saddle.

reverend dick said...

Pffffft. Everone kows you pass out with your legs tangled through the frame! That way, no one can steal your bike.